Module 2 Unit 2 B

[Angel]

When you think about your own gender in the terms of the GenderBread Person Handout, what stood out for you? Was it more accurate to use a slider for a trait, or an off/on switch? Did you learn anything about your values and beliefs when it comes to gender?

[Jenn W]

When we consider the Genderbread handout, things aren’t nearly as black & white as perhaps once perceived. And again, I find my lack of knowledge and experience to leave me with a feeling of ignorance. Honestly, it isn’t a good feeling. I always felt accepting of differences in others, however, when laid out like this, I feel completely lost and out of touch. I myself, identify as female, and use the pronouns she/her, but when you consider the “slider for a trait” it isn’t as easily described as an on/off switch. For example, I am more feminine, however sometimes, I prefer a masculine shirt. Does that now make it more fluid? I was brought up more in a “redneck” community, but never felt hate or disdain. If you are a good and kind person, it makes no difference to me who you love or are attracted to. It matters to me if you are an asshole or not. I recently saw a meme that had a poster that said “I love you. If you can hate for no reason, I can love for no reason”. I love this… as it is how I feel. Perhaps I am missing the point here, or overthinking.

[Kim]

In my opinion the genderbread handout is a good place to start learning about the nuances of gender and gender expression for people who are completely new to it, however I do think it’s limited in showing the full range of gender. While it does show how sex ≠ presentation ≠ identity, I think that measuring things strictly by how ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ they are and thinking all gender experiences have to fit somewhere on that spectrum reinforces the idea of a gender binary. I know that the way I present often makes people view me as a woman, because lots of physical traits I have are associated with femininity. The way I dress, while not the most feminine, still would count as feminine to most people. But those things don’t make me feel any real connection to the feminine side of the spectrum. Likewise, the fact that I prefer wearing cologne over perfume and prefer pants over skirts doesn’t make me feel any real connection to the masculine side of the spectrum. I also don’t feel a simple on/off switch is accurate either, as while I don’t feel a connection to masculinity or femininity, the associations other people draw between me and those binaries still exist. Attraction has been easy enough for me to describe, I identify as bisexual (some people have told me they think the pansexual label would fit me better, but I prefer to use this one) and find that I am especially attracted to other gender nonconforming people. I honestly don’t know how I’d identify if I was attracted strictly to one gender, as I do not view my attraction to either gender as being ‘straight’ or ‘gay’, rather I view my attraction as something inherently queer, no matter the gender of who I’m attracted to.

[Angel]

Hi Jenn, I really appreciate the vulnerability in your post. I had the same thoughts and questions when I was learning about this.
I am going to make another video on this to add some thought. I really reccomend reading Cordelia Fine’s “Delusions of Gender”.

I like thinking of these things as spectrums we move through and around in during our life, rather than thinking of it as either/or.

[Angel]

Hi Kim, I love that point! I love, too, how this contrasts with someone’s persepctive who is in a different place in their learning journey. I love the genderbread because it is a visual teaching tool to demonstrate that although we think of these things (gender, sex, sexuality, gender expression) as deeply interconnected, that they are actually separate. I love too that it shows the sliders, rather than the idea of on off.

Again, I am going to add a video for how to take this a bit deeper and why this is such an important conversation, an important self reflection, and important to understan that our own view is deeply personal, and we can’t put that view on others.

[theo]

I’m familiar with the genderbread tool, so this didn’t really bring up anything new for me. I have spent a long time questioning and examining my gender, sexuality, expression and so on. Honestly, my shakiest label would be my sexuality. Am I gay? But I am attracted to nonbinary AMAB folk. I tenuously label myself bisexual, but I found when starting HRT changed my feelings towards AFAB folk a lot. I used to be very attracted to women, but that changed. And I know sexuality is fluid, but I want to know why it changed. It’s it because I had a rough relationship with an AFAB person? Is it because I see my old body when I look at naked women? Or it could be a combination of many factors. It just seems uncomfy to me to exclude a whole demographic which I used to find attractive. I almost feel like a bad person for changing.

[Angel]

Theo, thank you for being so open in your post.
I love for you that you have been able to explore yor sexuality, and that you are open to reflecting on it, being curious about it, and even being able to sit with that discomfort of wondering if you have a ”preference” or if there is some sort of bias.
Being able to think about our ”preferences” is a huge part of ensuring we are facing our own biases-be it about sex and sexuality, race and cultural beliefs, or even our political leanings.
As someone that knows you, I assure you that you are not a ”bad person”. PERIOD.

I think we should do a video recording on this-on exploring sexuality in relation to gender and personal development. Let me know if you are down for it.

[Author]

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