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Theo, thank you for being so open in your post.
I love for you that you have been able to explore yor sexuality, and that you are open to reflecting on it, being curious about it, and even being able to sit with that discomfort of wondering if you have a ”preference” or if there is some sort of bias.
Being able to think about our ”preferences” is a huge part of ensuring we are facing our own biases-be it about sex and sexuality, race and cultural beliefs, or even our political leanings.
As someone that knows you, I assure you that you are not a ”bad person”. PERIOD.I think we should do a video recording on this-on exploring sexuality in relation to gender and personal development. Let me know if you are down for it.
Theo, great job!
I love the vulneraiblity in your response, your self-reflection skills are showing.
I love Allison Tunis’s work on fatphobia, and for folks in Alberta there isa group on facebook called Fatties of Yeg that if you are fat (small fat or large fat) you can join. Its amazing.I would add that body size is morally neutral.
That we are not our bodies. Our bodies are just the suit we wear, and they change over time, and often those changes are out of our scope of control-that we are allowed to be fat and still enjoy food for pleasure, that we are allowed to be fat and not focus on exercise. That being fat is not something we need to apologize for.I love that Theo!
I would add, to the definitions here, that it is a journey- not just your current state of understanding, or a set of values, but being mindful that you continue to learn, explore and consider other perspectives with a willingness to be a bit outside of your comfort zone in order to learnHI Kim! YES YES YES!!! even a fetus can masturbate (and there are plenty of studies, images and whatnot attesting to this). Research does indicate, however, that the drive to masturbate is more prolific during puberty, and in early adulthood, than any other time; and that the average age of onset (keep in mind most of the research is based on white, heterosexual populations, or at least assumed hetero), is 13.
As a parent (and now grandparent) and someone who has provided childcare for others, I can personally attest that young children also touch themselves for pleasure, and that it seems to be a very subjective thing, that might have more to do with how they think than their age or development.I also love your thoughts about consent. I would like to see this be an ongoing conversation at every level-for doctors on how to respect the bodily autonomy of their clients at all ages, for parents on respecting and teaching boundaries, for teachers on how to have classroom discussions.. Every age, every demographic!
Hi Jenn! Hi Kim
Great reflections on both your own experiences with puberty sex and, and with puberty itself. I love that while there are common themes, everyone ended up with slightly different things they remember-different things stood out.Sex Ed on puberty today often still focuses on body changes, periods, and erections, but hopefully as more folk engage in extended training on these topics we can see a more open conversation in schools and in families on these important topics!
HI Kim,
I love that yoyu are bringing up that echo chamber challenge! I think we all tend to want to have our biases (core beliefs) validated, and that until something happens to allow us to expand our window of tolerance for doing that work of unpacking those beliefs-we can really get stuck.
Great job!Jenn, thank you for sharing that. I am a firm believer in answering questions honestly, and also in bringing up toipcs as opportunities arise. It amazes me how much thinking children do about bodies, sex, consent, etc-and how often parents can be disconnected from what their young ones are thinking about.
I love the ”they are more prepared with they hear mistruths from their peers” because YES YES YES. Great job!Hi Jenn & Kim
I am really enjoying the discussions, so thank you both for participating.
Isn’t it interesting how when we look at questions like this, we can see the path we walked to get here and recognize our own growth? I love participating in SARS, and each one I attend is different, the discussions are different, and the learning just never stops!About Joining the team:
We are across canada and VIRTUAL!! And yes, it includes classes you set up in your own community.I love that you both explored how you DO deal with that type of discomfort. I try, myself, to remember that when I feel defensive, this is often a bias poking me. As a white person I have had to really work on being able, for example, to hear about colonial leanings I myself have, in order to reflect and relearn-but I can’t do that work when I am mired in defensiveness. I try to do the same in my sex education work-to recognize that defensiveness, or shame, is an indication of a residing bias that I have not explored.
Thanks Jenn for that! I agree, it can be challenging to figure out when it is ok to ask questions and when it is not.
For us at ASPECC we tend to let the person we are curious about set the tone. If they are the one teaching about that topic, then to some degree they have consented to being asked qeustions and to teaching us more about it. If they are socializing with us, and they say “I am _________, if you have questions I am happy to answer” then we ask questions. Otherwise we educate ourselves through reading, videos, courses. For me, it is about honouring the emotional labour of the other person, not expecting them to do that labour and being grateful when they do.