Strap-on Fun
Image: Black background with individual shown from waist down wearing denim pands and a purple and black strap on with purple didlo.
Whille porn shows pegging as something that is done by women, with their man bent over recieving, pegging is not limited to this very heteronormative, male-receiving view!
Pegging is for ALL GENDERS and sexualities, and is done for so many reasons-from adventure to erotic play, power exchange to anal joy. It can be incredibly intimate and should be safe, so let’s explore how to add this adventure to our pleasure tool box!
NEGOTIATION & Consent
Consent, consent, consent! The first step in a pegging encounter is communication and negotiation. This could be the easiest sexual negotiation you’ve ever had, or it could be the hardest. They may totally enjoy a finger in their butt during oral sex, but reluctant to go further – and that’s ok. Boundaries are boundaries, and talking about it may help to alleviate fear, shame and hesitancy. REMEMBER!!! Anything less than enthusiastic consent is a NO!
Being Open Minded and Safe
When a partner talks to you about using a strap-on, remember to be a safe space! In a world that stigmatizes and shames us for all things to do with sex, we are in a unique position to create safety for ourselves and our partners to share their sexual thoughts, needs and interests. We can do this by just being open to the notion that our partner(s) may think about things that we have not; they may have sexual interests and needs that are different from our own; and that them sharing with us is a huge act of vulnerability that should be honoured.
If we are unsure if we want to enage in strap-on play, we need to share our hesitancy with our partner in a way that does not perpetaute shame. “Thank you so much for trusting me with that. I am feeling hesitant because” Share your concern. Perhaps you are not sure how t use the toy, or are uncomfortable being the giver/receiver . Maybe you are shy about it or embarassed.
Hesitancy
If you hesitancy is about feeling turned off in some way, ask for time to think about it. Take that time to unpack your feelings. Are you turned off because you were socialized to view this as something your gender (or theirs) should not be interested in? Is sexual shame holding you back? This way when you talk about your discomfort you have a clear understanding of how it is is rooted in your own biases-rather than judging your partner for trusting you with their inner thoughts.
Negotiation should include the type of experience each has, what they envision, what type of toys to use with the strap on, and what orifices will be penetrated. Additionally, talking about what sort of protection and aftercare and in scene communicaiton will be used.
Consent and negotiation done? Let’s Prep!
Strap-on sex preparation can include the following (this is my list, feel free to make your own list!)
- A hand towel near the bed
- Plenty of personal lube
- A Harness
- Multiple dildos, or harness compatible vibrators
- Condoms
- Water (hydration for better O’s!)
If engaging in anal play with the strap-on, you may want to use an enema/colonic cleanser. It is often not neccessary (healthy colons are actually not as messy as you might think), but it can help some folk to be more relaxed during this kind of play.
Messes
Sex is messy! If using toys, you need more lube, typically, as the toy is likely stiffer than a human penis. Having a towel handy for messes is a bonus! If engaging in anal play, you may notice some frothing or the wee bit of fecal matter on toys. This is normal. Don’t panic, use the cloth.
REMEMBER!! Anything that goes in the butt does NOT go in any other orifice! Fecal matter is normal for butts, but sharing the flora and fauna in side fecal matter with the vagina or mouth can result in serious infections.
About LuBRICANT
Be cautious if using a silicone lubricant, as most toys react to silicone lubricant and will disintegrate when in contact with it. Read the silicone label and ensure you have lubricant that is compatible with the toy you are using.
**Angel suggests water based lubricant as it is less likely to mess with your ph level. If using large toys or engagin in anal play, a thicker lubricant is often more comfortable.
Nitty Gritty of StrapOn Play
Ensure you are communicating well with your partner. Start with foreplay (mouth, fingers, toys) and when they are ready, lubricate the toy well. Carefully enter them with the tip of the toy, and let them get used to this beore moving forward.
Always ensure that there is enough lubricant, and start with smaller motions until you find a rythm that workd for both you and your partner. This might be thrusting, rocking, or just playing with the tip of the toy in the orifice you are penetrating.
If they are nervous you can even hold still and let them do all the moving, griding and seating themselves on the toy as suits them.
Enjoy!
As will all sexy fun times, ensuring you are both enjoying things and consenting throughout is a huge part of making this type of play a success!!
Don’t worry if you do not get to penetrate with the toy the first few times (or ever). And remember that with a strap-on you get to control the size of the toy! Angel reccoments having different shapes and curves of toys avaialble to use to maximize this benefit.
Most of all, enjoy. This is an adventure, an erotic connection tool, and you both deserve to find joy in your sexperiemnt!